haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't turn off my feet"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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