I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
