Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
