there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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