I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
