did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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