I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
