It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
