My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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