i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
