I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's blow job season.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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