I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
