I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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