New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I will be naked everywhere
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
