I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize