Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
