at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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