we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
