If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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