I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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