Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He better not be in your backpack
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize