# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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