Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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