why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
