even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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