Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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