im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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