Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
