you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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