sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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