I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
