There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
