her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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