it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
