That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
