I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
