I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
