Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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