The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
