At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
