So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
