wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
