I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
