I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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