I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
