I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
