im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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