Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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