420 ftw
I accidentally had phone sex last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
