i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
