nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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