guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
