I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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