I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
