yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
