just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
