If that was your dad, he is hot
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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