Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize