my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
