y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
