Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
