She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
