After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
