I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
