we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
