You just made me feel so damn special
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize