last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
