you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You are the jesus of drinking
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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