you would pick up someone in the library
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize