i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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