i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
