Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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