Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
