well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
