i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
