I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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