maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
