totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
