Welp...herpes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a search helicopter?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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