Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize